happy halloween!! :D

its Halloween!!! :D

so what is everyone gonna be?

a vampire, zombie, angel, police woman/man etc..?

haha..

watched Footloose with junjie at Vivo before going to PH..

it's not so awesome movie cos most of the part is just talking & blah..

i just loved the dancing part in that movie..

but only like few scene..

anyway..

went to PowerHouse after movie..

found a space..

then ordered 1 for 1..(;

drink, drank, drunk..-__-

met few new frens..(:

worst clubbing day ever..>_<

puked..wth!!

super hate it..

cos i dont drink to puke..argh!!

it's only 12 plus i guess & i felt ultra sick..

it's a terrible feeling man..>_<

rested in the restroom not caring if the que is long or not..

i just feel like taking a nap inside the restroom..

haha..oops >_<

felt quite guilty for not opening the door for junjie's fren..x/

appreciated much..

but i just couldn't move & i don't wanna be seen feeling so weak..>_<

so yea..hmm..

quickly went home once i felt ok..

took a cab home..

& i felt so guilty that i invited junjie out but in the end i left him there..:(

oh man..>_<

but i guess he would make some new frens or went to find his frens there..

hope he had a great time there with his frens..

hmmm..thou it's only like few hours, i had a great halloween..(:

thankyou..(:

day 17..

its the 17th day..

i'm still hoping..

i wanted to give up but something inside just tell me to wait..

i dont know why..

but..

____¶¶¶¶¶¶______¶¶¶¶¶¶__¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶__¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶_¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶_¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶___¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶_____¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶_______¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶_________¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶___________¶¶¶¶____________¶¶_____________¶

I just want to hold you, I just want to kiss you. I just want to love you all my life ♥

i dont know why but..

no matter what..

i'm still hanging..

i'm waiting..

its gonna be a lonely christmas & new year again..:'(

sigh..

why me!?!?!

i wanna...

i wish that we'll play like little kids..

i wanna hug you like there's only you & me..

i wanna marry you cos i'm your princess & u're my prince..

& i wanna grow old with you..

torturous week..

sigh..

torturous week for me..

he left, and i'm left with piles of assignments to complete..

is like all of a sudden, a bridge just collapse on me..

i can hardly breathe, i need someone..

suddenly everything just gone..

everything that i wished,

everything that i hoped,

everything that i've always wanted..

everything just sped past me just like that..

sad..

but at least we're still friends..

cried while thinking of him and at the same time rushing my assignments..

i dont know how to do!!!!!

thats the saddest part..>_<

feeling sick but no choice..

have to force myself to rush assignments..

a lesson learnt..

no last minute work..*heh*

am so lucky i still have my mei..:D

she helped & guided me throughout the whole assignments & i'm grateful for that..:D

from now on..

i must work even harder..^-^

*woosh*

a new begining..a new chapter..

จากชีวิตคนไม่มีใครคนหนึ่ง...

เริมวันนี้..

เศร้าใจมาก แต่ไม่มีทางเลือก..

but i believe..:)

am not giving up..

unless.....

the end of the chapter..

many things happen lately..

have been depressed, hurt, sad, cried..

really a rocky month for me & its tough i can say..

really tough..>_<

met bf for movie..(:

like finally..we've been meeting each other rarely these days..

cos of his fyp..

so yup..

travelled all the way to Pasir Ris..

watched Real Steel..

the movie was nice..:D

then had dinner with bf..

after that chatted..

heart to heart talk..

finally got my answer..

thou its really hurt but..

yea..i expected it..

so i'm sort of 'mentally prepared' to accept it..

so yeap..

cried hard..-_-

cried until i cant talk properly,

cried until i cant breathe properly,

cried until i'm all feeling sick,

cried until feeling so giddy..

silly me uh..

to ppl out there maybe its just a r/s but to me its not just a r/s but sth tat i truly cherish close to my heart..

thought i would celebrate my 21st birthday with bf next year & of course my very first Valentine's Day with him cos our monthsary falls on the 14th..

but yup..guess i'm gonna celebrate Valentine's Day alone again..pathetic uh lol..

thou its very saddening but things ended well..i guess..

we're still friends & i think its better for him this way..

hmm..keep those memories (hugs & kisses, holding of hands, his smiles, his perfume etc..) & life gotta move on..

back to single life,

back to being alone,

back to envy ppl again..thou i've been envying ppl all along..lol

no more celebrating special occasion with other half,

no more sweet texts,

no more morning texts & night calls,

phone is gonna be silent from tmr onwards,

no more hugs & kisses,

no more holding of hands,

smiles turn to neural,

no more dressing up,

only me & my music..

only me & dance..

tats all i have now..

suddenly i have this smell of his perfume..LOL

i'm such a weirdo..haha..

anyways..no point crying over someone who has no more feelings for me but gotta move on strongly..

in a r/s, love cannot be forced..

once the feeling is not there, no matter how hard one tries to maintain it, it'll not be there..

i cant do anything much also but to accept the fact..so yeap..

am sure gonna missed those days where we go for zoo dates, that giraffe thingy, staying over night at my place, tat warm cuddle under the blanket, tat sound of the heartbeat of urs, the hugs tat we gave to each other, almost everything tat i'm gonna missed..:'( thou we're still frens but theres some things friends cant do when we're tgt..

hmmm..

felt quite sad tat i didnt manage to give him a one last hug before he left cos i'm crying & idk what to do & what am i doing or thinking..:(

anyways, everything have ended & we're still friends..

so its not so bad afterall..

i dont blame him for anything but instead, i thank him for loving me once & i thank him for all those happy moments tat we had tgt..

maybe its my fault tat i cant give him what he wanted..

or i'm not as pretty as those girls,

or i'm not as hyperactive as he want me to be..

对不起，我不够好。。so yup..

..anyways..its the end of the chapter..

& tmr shall be a new begining of my single life..

sad but life have to move on..(:

its really tough but i can pull through this right?

hmm..JIAYOUS ROLINDA!!!!

i thought everything is gonna be okay soon..

<

have been trying hard to make myself not to think too much..

i've used to being back to my old self,

i've used to being alone again,

i've used to not getting texts from him alr,

i've used to you not calling me dear or baobei & those sweet texts,

i've used to not expecting ur replies..

used to being single all again..

even though i got a bf..

its good alr tat i even Knew tat i had one..

used to his busy-ness..

until he has no time for me..

but have time for his frens..:(

sigh..sad max..

if he can have time to chill with his frens,

i rather choose to be his fren rather than his girlfriend..

cos i dont even feel like i'm his girlfriend..

oh wells..:'((

what can i do??

i have a boyfriend but like i dont have one..

so whats the diff..

thou i might seems like i dont care but inside of me is tearing apart..

it hurts so badly..

i just want to cry..

& he dont even care..

what can i do??

i really dont know..

does he really still love me?

or his love for me has alr expired..?

all i can do is to envy those ppl who are ard me..

why?

why me?

why envy?

i thought envy ppl is not a good thing?

i envy ppl with a happy family,

i envy ppl with a complete family,

i envy ppl who have someone to love..

& tat someone would love them back..:((

sigh..

basically i envy abt everything tat ppl have & i dont have..-_-

weird..

hmmm..guessed its just my life..

i have to accept it right?

sigh..:'(

i thought i'm the happiest girl in the world..

but...ya..i'm wrong..:'(

& i ended up being lonelier than ever..:'(

sigh...

ya I THOUGHT..:'(

{ PS : 忙碌，开始变成习惯，习惯没有时间，我们像陌生人不再关心谁 的明天。。}